Dear (Reader): [Insert your name in parentheses]
The relationship between an author and a reader is just that, a relationship. And as many of my ex-girlfriends and old flings will be quick to tell you, you can't have relationship without commitment. So as the author of this blog, this is my commitment to you, (the reader). [You can once again insert your name in the parentheses if you'd like.]
1. I will honor and cherish you all of our days together. (Without you, after all, I'm just a lone voice crying in the wilderness.)
2. I will be faithful to you in sickness and in health. (I will not allow this blog to become a forgotten and abandoned domain while I catch up on House reruns, tend to my ever growing stacks of books, movies, and magazines, and watch old Japanese music videos on YouTube.)
3. I will post at least once a week. (Can I get a 3-day window on top of that?...seriously.)
4. If I go more than 10 days without a post then I am in some kind of trouble. (We need to elect someone who will come check on me should this ever happen. Preferably someone with wilderness skills. I've most likely broken my leg somewhere out on my property and can't get home or a large rock has fallen on me and I can't seem to cut my arm off in order to free myself. In either case I'm quite possibly being eaten alive by wild coyotes. Whoever is elected to come check on me, please hurry the hell up.)
5. If it's been 15 days without a post, then I am dead. (I'm comin' home, Blue!)
This, faithful reader, is my commitment to you.*
*All commitments are subject to change based on, but not limited to, apathy, procrastination, laziness, distraction, bi-polar depressive states, travel, kidnapping, Ultimate Fighter marathons, writer's block, family emergencies, and natural catastrophes.
I tried to insert my name in the paentheses, but my computer skills did not allow it. Do you have a paper edition of your blog I could subscribe to. I want to give my lawyer a copy of the contract.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI do not presently have a paper edition of my blog due to lack of demand. I believe the cause for this could be the ease with which most people can access the online version while simultaneously leaving less of an environmental "footprint". Your request for such an edition has been my first thus far. Although you brought your computer skills, or lack thereof, into question, can I suggest that you print each post as they become published and compile your own "paper edition" as we go.
In the meantime, concerning an actual published paper edition and a contract of my commitments for your lawyers...I'll have my people work on it.